Here is the lovely story from Cary Gibson at Tenx9’s November event, “Something Unexpected”
How I Discovered A 14 Syllable Synonym For Love.
:: For Joel ::
The 1964 Disney movie Mary Poppins – a political manifesto about the dangers of unfettered capitalism on the human soul – is also a story about the power of imaginative language to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.,
Crucially, it’s discussion of the word, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” instructs us,
So when the cat has got your tongue
There’s no need for dismay
Just summon up this word
And then you’ve got a lot to say
But better use it carefully
Or it may change your life
One night I said it to me girl
And now me girl’s me wife!
You may think this story hasn’t begun. It has. Hearing the story, as you imagine it, it becomes fiction and yet, no less the real for it.
Our story begins – once upon a time – the 20 May 1845 to be exact –
the day Robert Browning met Elizabeth Barrett. The courtship and marriage between these two writers was carried out secretly & by correspondence, fearing, quite rightly, that her father would disapprove. Is that true? Surely every story, once it’s told and retold, is a fable.
This story has no ending. Not yet.
If we get our wish, the ending will be fatal. Because like every love story, it will in time, one way or another, become tragedy.
This story might prove that endings are rarely endings, because unless something horrifically unexpected happens, one of us will still be here to keep telling our story.
I told our story to a woman at a party and she responded, “What a wonderful tale to tell your children.”
I don’t have any children. If I were to, well, that would certainly be something unexpected. The true story already becoming fiction – being told to children born of another’s imagination.
Ours is a story about stories & the love of stories. And the love of a very blurred line where fact and fiction meet… of embracing everything as true. Everything.
And how stories are like maps. And that the only true map would be a map on a scale of one to one: an exact replica of the place being mapped. Because when we put things into words we fall short of the truth. A story is an impartial map. And everything is fiction.
Where else could I begin?
Where and when we met?
Where we declared love for one another?
Or, where and when we fell into love?
The first one is easy. It’s a fixed point in time and space. We met at a breakfast table. In 1998.
But the second question – that’s a little more tricky – for we were in hindsight telling each other we loved one another in so many ways before he, and certainly before I realized it. So that when he did declare it, I was shocked.
So, when did we fall in love?
That really is impossible to tell.
You’d think it was easy. Because we have pages – that run into the hundreds. Each one dated, time stamped. They tell the story of what we came to call “asynchronous symbiosis”. He in one time zone, me in another. Emails sent back and forth, across an ocean, over several months.
Those letters – contained a story. A story we wrote together, in the form of a map. A map of what we called, “the canon.” The canon, contained, & made everything in it, real.
We fell down a rabbit hole, or perhaps jumped into a chalk picture on a pavement, that took us to a place just left of Narnia, our letters growing increasingly frequent and fervent: ‘the canon’ mapped fidelity with Ray Bradbury’s wedding vow, ‘to always love dinosaurs’, an exploration of wonder was led by Doctor Who, an invitation to pay attention by Sherlock Holmes, persistence was found in Neverwhere, & comics, hegemony was in The Matrix, or the Inklings. Political interviews danced with poetry, which rhymed with history, which argued with doctrine and laughed at certainty.
The stories shared over days, weeks, months were being added to an imaginative wiki – in which nothing gets left out and everything is interlinked, connected by dotted lines…
And somewhere in the midst of that map, we began to write ourselves.
Letters (written weekly, then twice weekly, then daily, then twice daily) wove our own stories with every story written since Homer’s Odyssey – to name just a few – marked in invisible ink where you and me, was becoming “us”.
Because reading those letters I cannot tell where we slipped from friendship and respect into shared meaning making and then flourished into mutuality, particularity, intentionality, fidelity, and continuance… LOVE.
So, perhaps we’ll say that, ‘This is how it happened…’
That on the 12th September 2009, my friend was on his way to a family wedding in Texas.
The night before he’d been out for dinner with a friend and after cycling home in pouring rain, sent me a poem – A Ritual to Read to Each Other by William Stafford, which opens,
If you don’t know the kind of person I am,
and I don’t know the kind of person you are,
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home, we may miss our star.
I woke in Dublin to that mail and sitting at my writing desk, I sent back a response to say that his nephew was marrying his bride on the anniversary of the marriage of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning, whose story of tragedy and hope is the source of some of the most famous lines in English romantic poetry…
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Barrett’s 43rd sonnet was appropriate for a wedding day. But this is what I then wrote to him:
Barrett & Browning also have significance because they surely are now living happily forever in the land that was created, and everyday grows and breathes, with the words and spirit of personal correspondence. A part of the canon-map that is as real and true and significant to that world of words as the terrain made from poems or audio-plays or novels.
(I like to think it is reached by mail-coach. And to reach that genre, one passes through cities built with office managers’ post-it notes and memos. Cities, which are saved from being eternally grey cold edifices because they are decorated by notes from loving spouses and children’s paintings sneakily slipped into briefcases on Monday mornings.
The city parks trees are made of the quotes and ideas and vacation postcards that are stuck on fridges. And standing atop soap boxes on the street corners, orators entertain and inspire passers-by with recitations of mottos from magnets – no longer tired clichés but spoken each time as if it were the first, and heard with eternally new ears.
And the land beyond – that is built on personal letters exchanged between families and lovers and friends and strangers kept apart by distance, and estrangement and war and prison walls – is spoken of by those who visit it as the most breathtaking place they ever saw:
Carved from such raw, unedited, deep emotions of love and fear and patience and hope that its majestic beauty is almost too much to bear. That’s the place where Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning dwell.)
A few short hours later, in Nashville, after very little sleep, his shoes not yet dry, and rushing to get to the airport for his flight to Dallas, he wrote back a brief, confessional note that irrevocably altered everything, with this closing line,
‘Love, which I’m using very cary-fully, and which is definitely changing my life’
Faced with this imaginative declaration verging on a proposal, written only for me, in canonical terms that were unmistakably acknowledging I was already in some deep sense, his girl, I’d like to say I reacted with eloquence.
But I could only muster a hurried,
Holy crap, Batman.
Followed by 6 smiley faces.
Yes. That probably covers whatever words fail me right now…
Never have I felt the weight of the phrase,
“I think we are on the same page…” and am struck by the weight of it and
with speechlessness, which also seems to put us on something like the same page.
I just realized I have no map. I hope you packed crayons and some paper….
With the engine running outside, suitcase packed, he responded,
I do have a map. With lots of dotted lines. And boxes and boxes of
crayons, all of which are also, yours.