Category: Understories

Whoops – The Understory and Next Theme

February 26, 2019by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from February 2019’s theme “Whoops.”

Tonight, Nashville, was a big “Whoops!”

The apex of our athletic career came crashing down in a humiliating case of the yips. After being exiled to right field, we now avoid throwing darts and skipping rocks, and the only throwing we do is up.

In college the only thing that kept us going was skiing. A relationship she wanted to be more casual than we wanted only made it worse. But after an apparent third strike with a cautious brunette, and many years of happily married, we’re going home to her tonight.

Our efficient moving plan was upended by an all-expense paid trip to sing “Ring My Bell.” We consulted a higher authority, frantically packed boxes and cars, and arrived late for our departure. But thanks to a suitcase in a wheelchair, we made it.

A precisely-measured 3’ 10” hole led to panicked gasps, screaming “Steve,” 11 hours in the ER, an unnecessary pregnancy test, “Broken Femurs United,” and a gay fan club.

Our final summer with our best friend since conception involved estimating the odds of two gorings, turning as red as our neckerchiefs, and imitating a Mexican game show host in a gynecologist’s office—but we earned a B+!

We took a 7^th grade field trip to a sulphur processing plant with an eyelash-eating girl, an exquisite farter, a Liberace fan, and a frighteningly beautiful pigeon-toed gazelle. But a disdainful sniff that released a slow-motion snot rocket still makes us cringe.

Playing basketball at 55 was a mistake. Playing kickball was a bigger mistake. Not listening to our brother was a mistake. And we’re afraid that admitting it in front of him in public could prove to be the biggest mistake of all!

The relationship between the jello-shot queen and the tie-died pot distributor started with a rescue kiss and led to whip-its and tequila in a hot-tub in a country commune…and a long smelly drive home.

Our first time on public transportation alone led to missed stops, looking for change in cinderblock buildings, and carrying a soda bladder on the bus. We may be a tonta, but we made it home.

Whoops, Nashville!

Thanks to all our wonderful storytellers—Ty, Malinda, Rob, Steve, Sarah, Bill, Jackie, Holly, and Tom! Join us next time for “Sorry”. Got a story? Let us know here!

The First Time – The Understory and Next Theme

January 29, 2019January 28, 2019by tenx9nashville1 Comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from January 2019’s theme “The First Time.”

Tonight, Nashville, was our first time.

We spent our first Southern Christmas without oddly wrapped socks or a “What’s-a-Jew- 65 - The First Time to-Do Party.” But we helped Nanny with the gravy, opened an athiest’s search for Jesus, and cherished her favorite cookbook.

We went to our first Hanukkah party on a jaded road trip with a pornstar, where we had a God-arranged date to Abilene, and got a goodie bag from a surprising place…that seemed to surprise no one.

We had our first psychedelic experience at the legendary hippy refugee camp, where our spiritual awakening turned out to be hurling zucchini; and we left the disappointed Deadheads to go listen to CSN in the a/c.

We remembered our first images of beauty, when we saved our lunch money for a magic hair potion and learned that being “black black” wasn’t attractive. But in time we learned to wear our natural hair and agreed with his compliments…even if he was kind of stupid.

We took our first joy ride in a stolen family minivan, when we tore up the yard and raced around at an astonishing 15 miles-an-hour! But our new sense of self nearly cost us our greatest ally—and it wasn’t worth it.

In our first year of teaching, a gallon of cheese balls revealed that 7^th graders lack integrity. We struggled through a culturally insensitive kimono hole and gave Spanish instructions about finding trash—only to hear again that fateful chant.

After growing up in a very Baptist town with no bars or Catholics, we experienced our first Mass, wearing highly inappropriate footwear and being inappropriately grateful for the moon-sized wafer. But we have learned to receive a gentle blessing and say, “Amen.”

For the first time we took charge of our own happiness and reversed societal roles—then hid in the Phantom’s darkness. Rereading the Instagram led to a roller coaster ride of emotion, but now we are content waiting for the right person.

The first time we had a gun pulled on us we were on beach just 50 miles from horror, when a creepy soldier invaded our space and questioned our vocabulary—and we came to wonder, “What is an acceptable reason for war?”

Thanks to Natasha, Paul, Josh, Sally, Emma, Deena, Karla, Brad, and Jenny for such great stories! Join us February 25 for our next night, with stories on “Whoops.” Got a story? Let us know here!

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Something Unexpected – The Understory and Next Theme

November 13, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here is Rob McRay’s understory for our November 2018 theme “Something Unexpected.”

Nashville, tonight was unexpected.

She used to hug strangers in the stuffed-toy aisle, wear hair helmets, and take naked 63- Something Unexpected nursing home strolls. But when the pinpoint was gone, she could still sing that love song…and we missed the crazy.

We loved Hee Haw and theme parks and trivia on the Nashville channel, and dreamed of DJ glory…till the cheese slipped off our cracker, and we were married by Fat Elvis—who turned out to be our teenage crush.

In the Swipe Life of Vancouver, we met a girl who liked “chocolate”, and invited her to come dodge bachelorette parties on Broadway. But on a Sunday morning in a month that sucks, three bullets made us choose how to live and give.

We wanted to seize the day before the day ceased, but we ran out of our flip flops when a face in a ski mask was no nightmare. Fear followed us to Marrakesh and Caroline’s, but supportive friends and tapping pressure points helped us “Fear not.”

In the conciliation-present house, where the baby got the balcony, we were really scared of the attic door knob and Mom’s ugly crying. But we peeked out from the covers to watch our gun-toting grandpa free Coco—who needs to learn to meow!

Our two-year-old refused to swallow her breakfast, and we had a flashback to cat pee under the floorboards, and meat-eating flies in the chimney, and mold forcing us out of the nest. But projectile eggs helped us see we were parenting ourselves.

In Colorado we searched for legal brownies and found a kite store, where we remembered a boy who wouldn’t let girls fly kites. And everyone enjoyed our niece’s butterfly kite—everyone but the child!

We saw the most beautiful girl in the world, but she was waiting for someone special. We got revenge with the “sucko monster incident.” When we learned the revealing truth, we were too absorbed with our own pain to hear hers.

We spent Christmas with our family and a boyfriend whose breathing we couldn’t stand. But we were pleased with the kale-induced body changes that improved our highly toxic wasteland. And we are still loving our 4-year-old present.

Thanks for Daniel, Cindy, Marilyn, Ty, Shana, Rebecca, Gayathri, Brad, and Karla for their stories! Join us December 10 for 9 true stories of “home.” Submit your story proposal here!

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All In a Day – The Understory and Next Theme

October 28, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from Monday’s October stories on “All in a Day”.

What a day, Nashville!

We spent the day at the beach on a “real vacation,” where we took pictures while thinking, watched a hippy resuscitate a shark, and thanked a redneck for finding our son. But our breathing returned to normal watching the sun set over the marsh.

We spent our 18^th birthday scraping ice, breaking up, causing a traffic jam, and losing “Big Dog.” But an ugly cry in the shower and a family dinner at Cheddars helped…a little.

It was the first day of school after the year of heartbreak and choosing the guy in the red flash truck over our best friend. But the coach encouraged us to jump off the pedestal into a new school—where we broke up again.

The day started without our tea and with a rush to get to work—where we got a call that stunned us into vulnerability and a surprise offer from the boss. But the bigger surprise came when our office bestie gave the watch he loved to the person he loved more.

We made a lasting impression on the day of our flu game of marketing, when we shipped a transcendent Brad Pitt meme that was shockingly misinterpreted as a bomb threat—but at least we didn’t go to federal prison.

We spent the day driving four hours to Memphis and back to decide against buying a car from a guy who switches license plates and sells dope. We made it back safe…but missed a good time at the dog track.

We spent the day leisurely paddling down the Harpeth, until a low guttural nowise led to multiple efforts to rescue an uncooperative calf. We adopted our T-ball-ready stance…and watched as Coach carried it to safety—but that doesn’t prevent someone from claiming to be a hero.

One June day in Chicago we got all busted up running into fences, falling off chairs, breaking beds, and frantically searching for an armed toddler—who was having a party with the Chicago police.

What a day, Nashville!

Our thanks to Annette, Kristen, Jacquelyn, Tamara, Kristen, Steve, Jeremy, and Becca for such wonderful stories! Join us November 12 for “Something Unexpected.” Got a story? Pitch it here!

Nashville – The Understory and Next Theme

September 25, 2018by tenx9nashville1 Comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from our 5-year anniversary theme “Nashville” in September 2018.

Tonight, Nashville, we were in Nashville.

In Nashville, we got to know our 101-year-old spitfire Gram—shopping for the Lexus of douche bags, discussing proximity theories, and revealing descending dove tattoos. And in the end…we fed the ducks.

In Nashville, we arrived with a dream and discovered how much we love salsa dancing and matzah ball soup. We fished our keys out of the dumpster and attended a barbecue party for the wrong Mark. And we learned to be careful about bragging too soon.

In Nashville, we left a boring party in a strange part of town, when Cinnamon Girl ran low and a call for help didn’t help. But T with his slim jim overcame our stranger danger, and we stared the handshake that connects.

In Nashville, we came for her dreams but found long days and abusive nights and sleeping alone at the holidays. We finally left when the flinching fear became reality. But we’ve found family and learned to love the place we hated…boots and Elvis statues and all.

In Nashville, we took our master’s degree in sewing and made clothes for elite families and costumes for a burlesque show. Then shopping for notions led to Dolly’s designer and a very challenging career. And we learned to be very careful where we stick the pin!

In Nashville, we met a friend who almost drank himself to death, and almost drown in the park, and almost died of some duck disease…and we still don’t know the answer to his question.

In Nashville, we saw her gliding in an angelic sundress through the ethereal light—and we forgot our raisin’! But our baby-doppelganger plan didn’t work, and now we dream we don’t have to observe the 500-foot buffer zone.

In Nashville, our glowing reviews slowly unraveled before our eyes. The mysterious bad guy from “Taken” helped us make our home, and we shared the struggle of our precarious status. But a new job and a new guy led us to like our new self better.

In Nashville, we met him on a blind date…with someone else, while we were semi-engaged…to someone else. Twelve dates, countless romantic letters, and 62 years later we said our final good-bye here—and through it all we listened to the music of the moonlight.

Thanks to all the storytellers for a wonderful night—Rose, Rob, Ty, Annette, Mercedi, Christy, Sally, Iisha, and Emily! Join us next time for stories that take place “All in a Day”. Got a story? Pitch it here!

Almost – The Understory and Next Theme

August 28, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here Rob McRay’s understory from August 2018’s theme “Almost.”

Almost, Nashville, almost.

We almost hugged a biker cop the night we almost got a D.U.I.—on our scooter—when our legally sufficient lie could not cover for our irresponsibility.

We almost didn’t get to fulfill our drinking fantasies in the only country that gets attacked by aliens. But a D.M.V.-like bureaucrat suddenly gave us a break for his lunch break.

We were almost about to be kind of a big deal, working with a director we’ll call “Andrew” on a British-Chinese-South African documentary about America. But the doomed negotiations with communists did lead us to a new friendship—and that’s kind of a big deal.

We almost bled when we were bullied, and unheard, and got a ticket to eternal torment for lipstick and rap and failing to obey men. But a light took us to a new place, and now we love life and pranks and our son…and the next adventure.

We almost got the girl, when we visited the solitary trailer with unrealistic expectations of the “Number One Crush.” After nearly getting shot by Redneck Rambo, we returned home alone to the strains of “Love Fool.”

We almost gave up on our novel about 7^th-grade Abbie’s almosts. But minor accomplishments led to an Abbie-like editor whose decision to publish encouraged us to never give up.

We almost kept our secret in the basement of our souls, when we were invited into his “special club.” We told no one to protect our parents, until our husband revealed it and our mother apologized she couldn’t protect us.

We almost won a dream contract from that label, but our geek army playing anime conventions were told “Asians don’t sell.” But we won a Supreme Court case and inspired a generation of kids to fight for the voice of our community.

We thought we almost died from chlorine poisoning, which led to compulsive handwashing, and tapping on tiles, and an irrational fear of decapitation or being stabbed by a toy. But Lawrence died, and we smoked, and it stopped—and even after the swine flu, we didn’t have to worry about Chucky.

Almost, Nashville.

Thanks to all our tellers—Steve, Caroline, Pratik, Joshua, Kerrie, Simon, Raj, Kat, and Drew! Join us for our 5th year anniversary September 24 for our annual theme “Nashville.” Got a story? Let us know!

Regret – The Understory and Next Theme

July 24, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory for July 2018’s theme “Regret.”

Nashville, tonight we had regrets.

We celebrated our 20^th anniversary in a bubbling fish tank, where we enjoyed a large red Cosmo that sent our body on journey past the potted plants and the upright Sunday School teachers, with a stop at the gravel lot. We released the shifting anvil and collapsed in a vague resemblance to the ending we had hoped.

In our Ralph Lauren High School we choose one crush between rival brothers. We became a thing at the playground when we were scared to speak our truth. And we wish we had known it was okay to say, “no.”

An ill-fated ski trip with no conditioner led to an ill-conceived plan for an eternal, growing, secret, half-pound golf ball. But our decisive aunt shuttled us to the E.R. salon, where our elaborate like finally hit the floor.

A leap of faith led to an encounter with Barney, Floyd, and Aunt Bee, three ambulance rides, and membership in the Sufferers Club. And maybe we can finally say that we no longer regret our biggest regret.

After repelling on our first date— “Not-Naked & Afraid”—we married our Indiana Jones husband. He took us camping in Destination Hell, ignoring warnings, and waivers, and mating gators, where we became “Cybil of the Swamp.” But never again!

We roomed with A.A.R.P. aunt, who thinks we’re not that young. Despite that April night when she selected the only channel she knew and we watched 2 ½ minutes of rhythmic body parts, she’s still the best roommate we ever knew.

She was bilingual, and we were…dangerously equipped. We awkwardly used the present tense, and confused fear and feces. But that was nothing compared to ordering male-member soup from the star QB waiter—and everyone who loves the Lord knows about it!

At the nursing home with Great-Grandmother Bitc— …uh, Great-Grandmother, we met him eating flesh-toned paste by himself. We became pen pals, till 12-year-old life intervened, and we never answered his last letter. And now we just want to say, “We’re sorry, Mr. Kimbrell.”

We celebrated her bachelorette party with a cucumber massacre, and Wishbone advice, and sober streaking with former home-schoolers. We escaped the cornfield led by Pregnant Rambo…but Mom is glad we would never do anything like that.

Thanks to all our storytellers—Rebecca, Jacquelyn, Cynthia, Melissa, Ty, Steve, Mary Margaret, Elly, and Alexandra! Join us August 27 for our annual partnership with The Porch Writers’ Collective. Our theme is “Almost.” Get in touch here with your story proposal! If you missed the stories, check our podcast page in a couple weeks to catch up on all the goodness!

Parents – The Understory and Next Theme

June 26, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory for our June 2018 theme “Parents.”

Nashville, tonight we shared stories of parents.

We moved next door to the Church of Not-Entering-Without-Knocking, where our lying siblings caused a crisis. But our brother confessed, and we told our parents, and the Incredible Hulk was saved.

We felt like a Kennedy at technically a bed-and-breakfast. We learned we were on our own dealing with a barf sprinkler spewing a ton of not-puke. But in the end, it was worth a good laugh and, maybe someday, a thank you.

After a life of bullying at hell camp, we took a ride in our father’s big Buick…the day “the ship it the sand.” Our bombshell confession led to a prayer for healing…and words of love. And we wish he knew the shame free version.

We went from winning at the best day ever to falling on our face on the way to the birth of the most alert newborn ever. But we have survived raising ourselves, and we have learned not to talk about cows on trains.

We lived with never living up to his expectations, and the questionable ethics of plagiarizing our own plagiarism. But Father’s pride over a story that wasn’t fully true left us with unfulfilled dreams of mutual apologies.

We don’t remember breathing when she told us the news. After an evasive call to him and an intuitive call to her, we were on our own to say the words we could not say. And we learned it takes a long time for a heart to heal.

Sliding down a big toy with nails led to frantically looking for a penis bucket. But the good news is that it didn’t hurt much…but someday it will!

Mom’s cooking mishaps included strange pseudo-Mexican dishes, and demonically blooming steaksicles, and Dad with Joe Pesci eyebrows. But we all survived the physically painful experiences.

The tests and treatments led to shattered beliefs and tearful pleas and avoiding Baby Gaps and baby showers. After seeing a priest and a psychic and a papa, we finally heard the song…and she gave us our dream.

That was our night with parents.

Thanks to all our storytellers—Hamish, John, Adam, Anne, Kerrie, Ty, Melissa, Trey, and Pratik! Join us July 23 for “Regret.” You can pitch your story idea here. See you then!

Snapshot – The Understory and Next Theme

May 23, 2018by tenx9nashvilleLeave a comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from May 2018’s theme “Snapshot”, where each storyteller told a personal story based on one of their personal photos.

Nashville, tonight we looked at pictures.

We took a 3,500 mile journey to eat pizza with the Boy Band—Diversified, reversing evolution all over an Amsterdam bar, and dancing to Shakira with French heroines. The boy band is all grown up now, enjoying photos of our epic adventures, and planning an epic reunion tour!

We saw the look of disdain, and remembered needing therapy until we both faced the obvious. Life with an O.D.D. adolescent was a horror story—but it has a picture-perfect ending…until adolescence returns.

We were ashamed of the flailing photo, and the party where we didn’t know the social rules on rides and face-sucking. And we wish we could delete the voices as easily as the photos.

We made wildly inaccurate assumptions about each other’s photos, assuming coolness…and hair. But despite discovering the contrast between an anal-retentive closet and clean clothes on the floor, “In-the-World-Today” is now in the picture.

After the jarring loss of invincibility and getting an angry tattoo, we had the best day of our life watching a laser light show in the cave—high on permission! And now just wish one day we would look and know he’s there.

A picture of speaking on a truck in Berkley reminds us of childhood questions and fighting Nazis and dodging concrete soda cans. We expected to be focused on academics—but what we are really doing is harm reduction.

We saw the portrait of our grandparents, who carried Jessie Belle from the sulfur odor of Odessa to her final resting place in a budget-conscious D.I.Y. funeral. And they have space available on the return trip!

For years we wrote letters to missing Lizzy, till we got a friend request from the spitting image of Mamma, and a blurry copy of the family picture finally ended the nightmares.

We always posed for contrived family photos that did not capture the weirdos we really are, until our shocked Syrian Sitto took the Most Awkward Family Photo…ever! But it did lead to new friends, and offended church folk, and amazing bragging rights.

And we saw the picture!

Thanks to our wonderful storytellers—Marissa, Bassam, Kelby, Christina, Barbara, Robyn, Steve, Jessica, and Laura!

Our next theme is “Parents” on June 25. If you have a story, let us know here!

Lost – The Understory and Next Theme

April 24, 2018April 23, 2018by tenx9nashville1 Comment

Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from our April 2018 theme “Lost.”

Nashville, tonight we were lost.

We were lost in a deserted part of the ancient city, and more lost in the early days of 56- Lost married life. But in the end, we were just glad to finally both know where we are.

We lost our “5-year-old” mother when our discriminating 17-year-old palette led to sprinting around the perimeter of the grand opening, till the cringe-worthy announcement reunited us in a moment of self-discovery.

We grew up traveling in military engagements in which the prime objective was to make good time. But we discovered that families in bizarro world were happy just to kind of know where they were going and not get lost.

We took a beauty break for the soul and got lost in the maze of the sandstone city, teaching Pi in Marakesh, and camel-riding in the Sahara. But we found our own life—which we brought home, and found home was also new.

We were lost in interviews where we wasted time competing with fire alarms and looking for people in the witness protection program and seeking connections in pubs and Pokemon. But we finally found relationships we cherish, and we know we can find our way out of the woods.

We left behind the red-eyed heathen of depression and bitterness and went to look for a place that calms a beating chest. And hiking through the tundra, avoiding apex predators, and fishing in the majestic beauty of wilderness streams, we found hope.

We felt lost when unrealistic dreams of perfect child-birth in a puffy pink gown crashed into Fantasy Mom’s prophecy of rejection and drying up. But our beautiful baby rescued us from the nightmare of a hot-rock massage.

We were lost in unmet family expectations and Grandpa’s dominating opinions. We were happy to learn that he thought his baby doll was talented—but we found we aren’t defined by that. And we sent him off with his version of “The Curtain Falls” and cherish his last musical “Grandpa.”

We were lost on a date when brownies with secret ingredients led us to not know if we were on a train, or what our date was saying, or whether we had eaten, or how to talk, or how to feel our face! But he helped us find our way home…and all we can say is, “Happy Friday!”

Huge thanks to Chloe, Anna, Matt, Cindy, Steve, Erin, Sharon, Jack, and Amy for their stories! We look forward to seeing everyone at Douglas Corner May 21 for our theme “Snapshot”. Bring a photo, tell the story. Let us know if you have a story!

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