Here’s Rob McRay’s understory from February 2020’s theme “Letting Go.”
Tonight, Nashville, we were letting go.
It was the year of dead animals. We fed the personality-free screensaver until the living room smelled like medicine pee, and we buried our little fish-sicle in a Tupperware coffin.
The 3-ft. asshole ripped the head off Little Red Riding Hood, followed by sexist excuses, maternal scolding, and being ratted out by Mr. Crotchety Pants. And we still want to flick his ear!
Bounced checks led the yin-to-our-yang to demand a divorce. After cycles of yelling and blubbering, fruitless counseling and mutual confessions, we let go of our happily-ever-after and Hollywood dreams for a new future in a new home.
We constantly reviewed the video footage, wanting a do-over, till he sat on the edge of the bed. We talked about playing with Lincoln Logs and weed…and his funeral. And we discovered he had erased the video.
Going to that movie alone was more embarrassing than a surprise, tuba-like, desk-rattling fart. Even worse was failing at our expertise. We removed the ring at the Biltmore…and yes, now we do feel better.
We were born like Jesus; but we got our own tree, decorated it with toiletries, and celebrated all summer. We worried what our next-door strangers would think of a Jewish Dexter—so we disposed of the evidence…just in time to plot our next holiday heresy.
We were “difficult,” especially on vacation. We finally visited the Happiest Place, where we sent Sammy off to the southeast. After a drenching storm and some George W. shoe-dodging, we found him—with one of the good people.
We went from showing her how to wash potatoes to reading their troubled texts. Somehow, he still proposed, and she wanted an ally. And we decided peace was more important than the dream.
On an unforgettable day with an unforgettable girl, we decided a few cheap angry orchards constituted an official date. Familiar Team Fear fell down, and we went in for the kiss. And through the haze of foggy glasses, we saw a different self.
And tonight, Nashville, we let it go.
Major thanks to our tellers—Steve, Natalie, Pratik, Matthew, Holly, Alesha, Brad, Ben, and Elly! Join us March 23 for “On the Edge.” Got a story? Pitch it here.